the half off garland

There are some days that I miss being married so much I could cry.

I miss that youthful abandon of my partnership with him, embarking on this life together, making new traditions, hopes and dreams with someone.

I miss our inside jokes and I miss his dinners. I miss remembering to pick something up for him when I would go shopping. I miss the comfort and familiarity of having a partner in everything that I did.

Why is it that something as stupid as christmas decoration I got half off on the Day After Christmas in 2014 can bring me to tears? I bought decorations for the dreams that would never come true, in the house that we would never have.

And now I drop my baby off on Sundays and I see a beautiful house That is not mine. With their beautiful Christmas tree. That is not mine. A husband that is not mine.

And although I trust God's plan in my life and I am at peace with our separate paths, some days I still sit and cry.

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My meds, my experience and my faith 💗

I'm not the most eloquent writer but I want to record my experiences and the meds I am taking. Meds and supplements to prevent a first time loss *Vitamin D due to my deficiency and like between low D and miscarriage * NO caffeine due to limited studies that show some people with caffeine sensitivity are prone to unexplained loss *Magnesium, by drinking Natural Calm, every morning - recommended by Dr. Sheri Hamersley *Progesterone 200 mg orally. I doubled up until 8 1/2 weeks to 400mg. *Lovenox 40 mg every night due to recommendation from Dr Hamersley *Vitafol OB prenatal with iron added *** Vitamin B6 and Unisom. I started this at around 8 weeks because of nausea. Meds I changed and added because of sub-chorionic hemorrhage *After every major bleed I take extra progesterone in the morning. * I had stopped the B6 at 13 weeks when my nausea subsided. I resumed it at 19 weeks to get to help my SCH heal *I take additional magnesium to calm my ...

Sam’s indominus rex

"sometimes he's sad, sometimes he's happy"

Never enough

I honestly wish people knew how hard it is for single parents to do basically anything. Getting out of the house, getting everyone to bed, getting free time to my own... all require a lot of coordination and there is NO backup. There is no one to fill in when I'm sick or to step up when I just need 5 minutes or to tell me I'm doing a good job when everyone's asleep and the house is so quiet. I feel like a failure in so many parts of my life; that I'm just not following up enough, I'm not doing enough, I'm not appreciative enough. It's just never enough. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Reflective Sarah

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