the half off garland

There are some days that I miss being married so much I could cry. 

 I miss that youthful abandon of my partnership with him, embarking on this life together, making new traditions, hopes and dreams with someone.  

 I miss our inside jokes and I miss his dinners. I miss remembering to pick something up for him when I would go shopping. I miss the comfort and familiarity of having a partner in everything that I did.

 Why is it that something as stupid as christmas decoration I got half off on the Day After Christmas in 2014 can bring me to tears? I bought decorations for the dreams that would never come true, in the house that we would never have.

 And now I drop my baby off on Sundays and I see a beautiful house  That is not mine. With their beautiful Christmas tree.  That is not mine. A husband that is not mine.

 And although I trust God's plan in my life and I am at peace with our separate paths, some days I still sit and cry.