what I'd say

So my ex-husband's fiance hates me. Flat-out, I know from a mutual friend, does not like me... she resents me. For no clear reason because it started before she and I ever started really communicating. Years ago, just after the start of her relationship with Matt, I changed my name back on FB to my actual name (with my married last name) and she thought I did it to upset her (I'd done it during teacher appreciation week so my students could find me, I often change my name on FB because of parents). 

 On a recent virtual learning day Liam and his stepsister got into a bit of a spat via text message and Chrissy decided to threaten Liam with reporting him to the school principal and guidance counselor. That set off a chain of messages between us that ended with her calling me "a constant source of negativity in their lives". No matter how hard I try to clear things between us, she responds with vast generalizations and accusations, "like you always do" "unlike you, I..." "I will pray for you". 

I have tried to solve this, I have reached out to a mediator to work on my own communication skills. I have talked this through with a therapist. No matter how hard I try to approach conflict with them and help, it is turned around and vicious words are used against me. Or nasty voicemails are left...  

Here is what I would say to Matt if I could:

 I have really taken some time to reflect on my communication with you and Chrissy and things that I may have said to Chrissy in the past 2 and a 1/2 years since I have known her. I do not think that I have done or said anything that warrants being labeled as a constant source of negativity in your lives.

 I view us as a family and when I say that I mean all of us. I have been willing to negotiate and communicate and listen and grow. But I don't think it is fair to me to get attacked every time there is a problem with Liam. I will continue to try my best and do my very best, and support you both as best that I can from Afar, but whatever it is within Chrissy or within your relationship dynamic that led her to think that it's appropriate to attack me like that I need it to stop.

 Matt, you know me. We were married for 13 years and I don't believe that it is fair or accurate the way that she has responded to me in messages. I'm not asking you to defend me to her because I am sure that would upset her, but I really hope that out of respect to me and our past together you will be careful and your interactions with her to ensure that similar attacks like that don't continue in the future.

 And I need you to promise me something because if something were to happen to me, I don't trust that she will protect my legacy with our son. And as I'm coming to terms with my health I need to come to a place of peace with you, in knowing that you respect me as his mom and as your co-parent.