Reflective Sarah

There are some days that I miss being married so much I could cry.   I miss that youthful abandon of my partnership with him, embarking on this life together, making new traditions, hopes and dreams with someone.    I miss our inside jokes and I miss his dinners. I miss remembering to pick something up for him when I would go shopping. I miss the comfort and familiarity of having a partner in everything that I did.  Why is it that something as stupid as christmas decoration I got half off on the Day After Christmas in 2014 can bring me to tears? I bought decorations for the dreams that would never come true, in the house that we would never have.  And now I drop my baby off on Sundays and I see a beautiful house  That is not mine. With their beautiful Christmas tree.  That is not mine. A husband that is not mine.  And although I trust God's plan in my life and I am at peace with our separate paths, some days I still sit and cry. 

Salmon dollops.... salmon, cottage cheese and romaine  Keto Banana Bread ! 

Powder Room... bye bye wallpaper, bright fixture, chrome faucet! I wanted a tidewater, nautical feel for this room. Liam chose the blue and thank goodness he did. It's perfect! 

I just want to document that I started wrapping Christmas presents on Oct 16th this year. This will likely never happen again :) 

 Halloween this year was fun, and perfectly timed with family activities and memories. Liam handled Trick or Treating really well. For maybe the first time EVER, there were no meltdowns, no freakouts... it's amazing to see him mature and just show his authentic awesome self to other people!  Pumpkin carving was disgusting, as always. I have to admit, that of the more frivolous things I have really regretted post-divorce, not having someone here to carve pumpkins is a huge problem for me :) I don't mind the cutting. I hate the scraping, the goo, the stuff on the back of my hands, yick....!  But this year's pumpkin carving had a 9 year old helper who wanted to do it himself. We carved pumpkins on the deck, with Sam toddling around while Liam and I worked. It was a sweet, sweet family moment I want to always cherish!  This year we went Trick or Treating in our new neighborhood with the neighbor kids who live behind us. I am so fortunate to have awesome neigh...

 My relationship with my weight and food hasn't always been functional. I don't necessarily think it is unhealthy. I am not really an emotional eater and I've not had the massive problems of zigzagging weight or being super overweight. But I've always kind of hovered around ten to fifteen pounds above an ideal weight. And just whenever I start to lose weight I somehow and for some reason self-sabotage and go back up.  For the past few months I definitely HAVE been unhealthy. I've been binge eating more than ever before. I have had intense sugar cravings, and even though I would tell myself "today is the day I will start a healthy diet" then I'd (thoughtlessly) eat a cookie or something. Rock bottom for me was two weeks ago-- when I picked up the frozen cookie dough I'd bought from the MAMS fundraiser afterschool. I didn't even make it two blocks on my drive home before I had that tub of dough in my lap, scooping out cookie dough while driving o...